by Charlie Doom

Is your only purpose in life to play the blues, but nobody wants to listen?  Did you sell your soul to the devil in exchange for legendary guitar skills only to realize you’d been ripped off by a drunken transient suffering schizophrenia? Do dreams of musical fame and fortune fill your head at every waking moment, causing you to alienate yourself from friends, family and reality?

If you answered yes to any of those questions then you’re in the right place. Follow the four simple steps in TrueFire’s Blues Legend Kit and achieve your true life’s purpose!

Here’s how to become a blues legend in four easy steps:

Step 1: Create a Legendary Blues Name

Create your legendary name with this name key!

First Name: <insert physical ailment>
(Examples: Blind, Hungry, Fat, Costive etc.)

Middle Name: <insert your favorite food>
(Examples: Lemon, Peanut, Rocky Mountain Oyster etc.)

Last Name: <insert name appended with “son”>
(Examples: Robertson, Johnson, Nickson etc.)

Here’s the name we came up with:
Arthritic Guava Paste Shambleson

Step 2: Write Your Own Blues Song

Fill in the blanks with whatever your imagination can dream up!

I’m _______________ all night long,
(repeat two times)

Cause when you _______________ that’s when I’ll be _______________,
That’s when I’ll be _______________.

I gotta keep on _______________ while my _______________,
(repeat two times)

Cause when you _______________ that’s when my _______________,
My _______________.

Step 3: Learn How to Play Blues on the Guitar

Watch the following video guitar lesson to learn a blues progression from our humongous library of blues guitar lessons!

Step 4: Sign The Contract

Click to print the contract!

Print out the contract and take your new name and song down to the Crossroads in Clarksdale, MS. Sing and play your song until the real Satan appears; you’ll know it’s him if he reeks of sulfur and makes your heart hurt. When he shows up, have him sign the contract and make sure you get his lawyer’s contact information (Satan is notorious for breaching contracts). Then, with contract in hand, you’ve got everything you need to become a blues legend!

*Disclaimer: TrueFire does not endorse the selling of one’s soul, but we do endorse the selling of our fabulous guitar lessons!